Codependency can be defined as one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior.
Another term very popular or you can say related to codependency is enabling. Though it might feel like doing the right thing, unnecessarily you are allowing the destructive behaviors of the person you care for, to continue.
There are many things that should be considered before you label yourself as a co-dependent or an enabler. You should not consider yourself into the league of a codependent until and unless you have reviewed your environment and situation honestly. If you have been sympathetic and compassionate to the sufferings of an individual’s quandary or predicament, then it does not mean that you are an co-dependent . However, if you are allowing any active alcoholic stay at your place and you are paying all his bills and this has been the scenario for quite a while, well, then you might be a codependent. The reason that can be sighted in support of this is that you are enabling the destructive behavior of the person towards you to continue. The following are some of the characteristics of a Codependent person:
Care taking: Think and feel responsible for other people-for other people's feelings, actions, thoughts,needs, well-being, choices, and ultimate destiny.
Low self worth: Feel ashamed of who they are, think there not quite good enough, take things personally.
Obsession: Always worry and feel anxious about problems and other people, always check on people, lose sleep over problems and people, discontinue there own life and routine in order to check on the well being of others.
Controlling: Thinking that they know best and what other people should be doing and behaving, try to control others and circumstances with guilt, manipulation, advice, or domination.
Denial: Most codependents are in denial about how severe there behavior actually is. They tend to ignore problems and pretend circumstances aren't as bad as they really are.
Dependent: Codependents look for happiness outside of themselves. Most likely didn't feel love or approval from there parents and don't love themselves. The center of there lives is around someone else and look to relationships for there joy and good feelings.
Poor boundaries: Codependents will let others hurt them.
Trust issues: Codependents don't trust themselves or there feelings. They don't trust other people and try to trust untrustworthy people.
Though you may not recognize it, co-dependency will make you sick. You might be doing it with the best of intentions but the reality is you are actually making matters worse. Moreover, codependents often feel compelled to offer advice to the persons they love, although it is not at all wanted. But somewhere wrapped in this process they try to please others and seemingly would want their loved one to see how necessary they are to their lives and in the process would even abandon their work for them.
Whatever the reason might be, codependents need help. Love is often replaced with obsession which in the end becomes very fatal. The goal of any Co-dependent is first detachment, and in order to detach with love you must have the support necessary to work on yourself. So let the other individual live his or her life, do not stop loving and caring for him or her, but detach. Second, live your life and start thinking about your fervor with a new and rejuvenated enthusiasm.
